Finally,

Closures are supposed to be memorable and spectacular despite the tribes and tribulations. Well, except this one. Twenty-twelve is her biggest regret of all. For now. Yeah, she probably might be thankful for this year some other time in her later future. But today, right here right now, Twenty-twelve is one heck of a bittersweet year for her.

If there's any bigger test she failed through out her life so far, she'd say Twenty-twelve. As a whole. Why? She set the biggest record of her life for lying the longest; through out the year. And it's no white lie too, trust me. She'd lie the most biggest lie of her life, to live life not being herself. At first it didn't seem that threatening to her, truly. However as the days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and the months turned into a whole year, she'd finally realized all the time she wasted lying. Though she didn't mean to lie all those time, she is finally faced with the consequences of her actions; utter disappointment. To lie and get away with it is one thing. But, she didn't get away. She was unhappy. As she looked back on Twenty-twelve, she couldn't help but cry most of the time. She didn't thought it'd turn out this way. She'd only wanted to be stronger and move on faster. She'd do what anyone would do in times of pain; get away, ignore, forget although none of them turned out right.

Truth be told, she was just scared for Twenty-twelve. She was afraid of what's coming for her. It was a new chapter of her life and for the first time she had no idea why everything has to be as it is. She'd have to leave all the things she'd hold on to for five years for new ones and she had no idea what they are! She don't know what to do. She was abashed. Everything was too much for her that she started lying to herself. For some time, she did got away with the thought that it was okay to do it, to lie. Still, what good was lying to yourself? So, things went downhill from there. It started with small lies to herself. Then, it got bigger. She started doing things that she recalled to strongly disapprove. She started slacking around and waste time when she could actually do better for herself and benefit from it. She even forgot how it feels to be her own self. Even the nights that she used to spend reflecting and appreciating, she had used them to continuously wonder why things are not getting better. Yet she keep on doing it and believe that it'll resolve soon.

Although it didn't. Moreover, she had to face some new problems due to her big fat lie. She tried seeking help from others even her most trustworthy friends yet nothing seems to fix anything. I mean, she brought it all to herself and every time she tried to explain her dilemma to them, she find herself solving it on her own and felt dismay at her pathetic act. Thus, repeating the non-ending cycle of disappointment and woe all over again; get away, ignore, forget. Great, now she'll never learn.

Now, let me tell you a story about holidays.

She hates holidays. The long agonizing days spent at home with nothing to do and obdurate family that doesn't understand her needs as a free youthful teenager that she is. Twenty-twelve cause this one too undoubtedly. When high-school ended for her by the end of Twenty-eleven, she had big things planned for her release from the unmistakable jail. Big agendas that she's been saving up to do due to her captive. Things that she missed doing as a teenager in high school. But, no. She had it hard to out-check her list of big line-ups. They say she had to earn them somehow. She loathe her life then. Which adds one more reason to why we are here in the first place today.

So, how did the story end anyway?
With utter disappointment, that's what. Life is short. What good do you gain from being something you're not and continue lying to yourself about who you are? We're not put to this world to live the life we're given half-heartedly. This is not our true ending. As muslims we already know, Dunya is just a small stop to the main destination. Moreover it's our gateway to heaven. If we were to fail here, how do think we'd end up in here-after? Above all, why do we chose to go through Dunya all on our own despite of being the servant that we are to our Lord? This is what happen to her. She went through all this problems just for trying to solve it all by herself, thinking she could and knew better. But, why should you? First and foremost, you have your love ones to always seek for help and opinions. If they truly love you, they'd care to at least be there for you. It might not be as easy as it sound to spill your  inner most conflict to them(another reason why she had to go through all this), but you'll be surprise that you're not only one that have had such problems. Everyone's a teen once. Nevertheless, you can always go back to the start and seek Him for help. He holds and created all things in our world and beyond. Why shouldn't we seek Him? Why couldn't we simply acquire to Him when we needed the help with our well-being? That's what she seized to understand truly through out all of this. She forgotten the key to happiness. She lose interest in her relationship with Allah SWT. She kept chasing for empty dreams she's unsure of and take for granted all that she was given. She lost track of what's important and for that she had wasted a year. Who knew how many sins has she commit through out year and the prayers she left astray? Only Allah SWT knows.

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah. For the start of this new year, she finally woke up from this deep trance.  Let's not pray this ever happen to anyone else. Because to be taken away the hidayah by Allah SWT after He has given it to us, is the worst that could ever happen to us as His servant. So, always pray for us to be always be on His side, the right side and to always be remembered of death and here-after. Life is short, don't waste it by falling for Dunya's gift and forgetting Allah SWT. Why bother holding on to other things or person, when even you're shadow will leave you in times of darkness.

Waallahualam.
Assalamu-alaikum wa rahmat -Allaahi wa barakaatuh.