xoxo
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Reviews of Semester Two.
- Freedom (1)
Numb.
With a tint of lament, I think.
It was
a fast semester, no kidding. I couldn’t the believe the speed it was going
until here we are done with all my real AS papers, for this semester. Five
months doesn’t sound so short, yet it really did felt like it passed in a blink
of an eye.
I
couldn’t quite explain why all of this seem to matter to me right now, but I
couldn’t continue doing anything else other than this. Expressing the feels I
have for a semester that’s gone- almost over for me. I mean, I don’t remember
having this much emotion leaving last semester. I guess it’s because I didn’t
learned that much as did during this one. Strange how even now, I can still
feel the difference each day felt and the impact it has on me when my life is
still bounded by routines as it always does. The only difference was that the
change and realization of this happens in a small period of time. It used to
take me once a year to look back on what I did from the last day I saw myself
evolve. Now, it’s half of that time. My chapters are shorter now. And, I like
it that way.
Can’t
really say if this was an awesome semester. That’s probably a bit too
overrated. I had my fair share of gain and loss. But, I can say that none of it
was to my expectation. None of it. And I guess, that’s the best part of this
semester. It took me to places I’ve never known worth visiting or peeking into.
It changed me into a person I didn’t think worth changing into while creating
various depths within me.
As the
final examination paper for this semester ended this afternoon, I’d realized
how my study trend was similar to the ones I had in SSP. Well, maybe I didn’t
shine that bright as equivalent to my great enrolment to the second class in
Form 2 from Form 1 as I should in the beginning of the A-level program. I could
sense the fall and rise happening like déjà vu. Remember how I played my heart
out during Form 2 due to being too comfortable of my position in the ‘better’
class that I flunked to the last class in Form 3? Yeah, the same thing happened
earlier this semester. I can’t quite explain my actions but I did let myself
slack through the class helplessly. It’s pretty embarrassing, and stupid. I
slept in Physics, which is a shocker since I love Physics to death in SSP and
didn’t study at all before a test. Disappointing. At one point, I did thought
that I’m not cut out for this and sometimes probably even NOT THAT SMART
anymore. Shocking, right? But, go back to the days I repaid my dues in Form 3
by kicking butts to the 22nd place in the entire batch. I showed
some major martial art skill to the snobby kids at first class that even the
last class can make it. This is quite funny because Form 3 was the only year
and the last for me to ever Silat. So, I picked myself up as well this semester
for the finals. I mean, I couldn’t afford to mess it up after JPA’s warning and
so I retreated to the books. Somehow made a pretty fast recovery to. I left all
the examination halls with some pride on my shoulders compared to last
semester. Alhamdulillah.
Friendships
was one of the things I never had that much knowledge of as we all know. So, this
semester I continued getting myself shocked at all the things my friends throw
at me and the places they took me. The semester started strong in the
friendship level considering that we spent a great deal of time together more
than we could have imagined. We laughed a lot and had fun to our hearts
content. Struggled together to make ends meet for our one month Mini Project
for Art & Design and spilled blood and sweat for our first A-Level t-shirt.
Had bitter sweet memories making decorations for the A-Level first event as
well. They were pretty awesome too to spend some bucks for a cake on my
birthday and superbly understanding about it too. Mid of the semester we
started our very own weekly parody of our dearest childhood heroes, Power
Rangers (#PRT, #PowerRangerThursday) I can say I consider them almost like my
sisters and I got to know them a little bit better this semester.
Nevertheless,
it wasn’t always sugar, spice and everything nice too.
There
was times when things just didn’t go my way, or at least how I thought it
should. As much as I felt so belonged and happy with this group of friends I
have, there was time when I disagree with the way things are. Like how our
conflicting study method could cause unpleasant group studies, how no one likes
to decide on anything and other things that might sound really petty. Then
again, these are just some of the things that I’d have to take because I’m sure
I could also give them some hell to deal with at times. And beyond that, I
should know better how much should I care for these people that I call friends
as much as they would do the same for me. On the other hand, there were those
that have always been there for me, not counting my family, through out the
entire semester that I couldn’t be thankful and grateful enough for.
I’m
starting to get the hang of being home more this semester as well, I think. I
mean, I finally getting use to how I should behave at home and when. I’ve had
enough scolding and lecture to last me years. It’s not that hard once I know
just what they want. Ha ha. Nonetheless, I’m still very nervous and scared to
start the end of semester break. I really don’t want anymore semester breaks to
go to waste. I can’t keep sloth-ing around at home and I, myself know how I
hate going back to college empty-handed. Plus, the waiting KILLS. I know now, I
have to plan it all precisely following Ummi’s rules and benefit every second
that I have. I have the future to prepare for anyway. I need to bulk my studies
even more considering A2 would be tougher and busier. I should start my long
postponed university hunt as well since next semester would be all about
applications and interviews. Which reminds me how close I am to flying abroad
and facing a bigger task at hand, one step to my career. And a life of independence.
Talk about butterflies!
As I
was studying the other day, I felt myself having visions of how my path would
be as soon as I leave INTEC. The surprising thing about this was actually my
reaction as I saw all these visions. It sort of felt like falling down back to
earth after floating too long amongst the clouds. The realization that the next
few years would be the biggest challenge I could ever sign up for. I have to
admit the last AD class had left me in pieces as it was the first biggest rejection
I’ve ever had to face. It sort of sank my motivation down the sink and it
definitely put me at the worst of places. I literally felt dejected that I
never wanted to try at one point. Thus, going back to the vision, it made me
felt real scared of the years coming. Worrying if I’m not good enough for this
course and I’d probably be the biggest loser ever. It’s was petrifying.
Will write soon, InshaaAllah.
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