Maybe you just needed to cry for a while.

Holes Inside - Joe Brooks.

I woke up today with a lot in my head to be said and done here. But, the memory of that song yesterday that I heard over the radio as Ummi was driving us to meet her friend seems to be ringing louder than the rest of the things that I have to say.

I don't quite know how to express the tingling going down my spine every time I hear this song playing. But I'd really like to try. The lyrics sounds hopeless. Then, maybe that's exactly what I was feeling the whole time. That, I needed this. Maybe, I don't know, it's like that feeling you get walking to the edge of the pier with your back to the colourful lights of the funfair and looking out to the dark waters at night. Feeling that the joy that you've just cherished meant nothing for that split second compared to the burdens you carry for the responsibilities that you've been neglecting. What burdens, it didn't matter. Maybe you just needed to cry for a while. Because you've been happy. Apparently too happy. And feeling empty. And that the tears would somehow ease that hopelessness hopelessly. But it doesn't. And you would see yourself turning to the lights, wiping the tears away and running to join the fair again. As if nothing happened. Because nothing had happened. Because life's much twisted than that. And it's because you're used to it. Used to the mask that you've been wearing.

I sound horrible. But then, so what.
Maybe you just needed to cry for a while.