Writing.

Writing seems so hard these days to me. It's not that I have nothing to say, it's just that I don't know where do I start my words after leaving it for so long. It's not that I don't want to write anymore. I do.  It's just.. 

I think I sort of forgotten how I write.

It may has sounded a bit ridiculous. Like how can I ever forget how I write? It's impossible. But, it happened. I can list down all my 1001 excuses here to convince you guys-whoever- why, but no denying the fact I really might have forgotten how I write.  

I guess, I was busy with my assignments. 

But, nothing to the extend that I couldn't find the time to blog a few paragraphs here about how things were in my life. I could have fought for the time. I could have. But, I couldn't 

I guess, it was because I know she's always here watching over me and what I do.

Yes, she always have. Not that it's a bad thing. But, we all have a part of us that we would like to keep to ourselves and this blog has been almost everything that I have to keep that part of me alive. Since that unforgettable day, I can't deny I can never not think of what she or her peers would think of my writing if they were keeping an eye on me. It's like suddenly all I've done all this while here was bad and I can't help of feeling a bit of paranoia for it. I feel like I'm force to hold back the already very little words that I can say here. I know nobody should let you feel inferior without your permission, but we 'ought to respect our elders and what they have to say. On the contrary, again a few paragraphs or a sentence/quote doesn't kill me, does it?

Then again, the PC is no longer in a private place for me to write.

I no longer have that luxury to stay up late all those nights just for this. I wish I could. I would. But, no. There's other things I have to consider. My other priorities to attend. On the other hand the iPad is available, Diyana. 

But then, at the end of the day, I want to be able to write here again. 

Well, at least once in a while. I have to. I guess, I'd have to face the fact that it won't be the same as it used to be. But at least I would still write. Because it would sucks if I didn't. Plus, the pain of not writing would eat me up from the inside like a hungry leech. *really?* 

I want my OWNNNNNNN Laptop. Grr.